- Setting: Garden of Eden
- Paragraphs are separated every 2-3 sentences
- Minimal transition word variation
- The word 'And' is used a lot
- Generally at the beginning of paragraphs
- 3rd person narration
- Combining paragraphs and using better transition statements would greatly benefit this story
- Perhaps switch the story to a first person perspective to include emotion?
- Serpent/God?
- Lots of 'And' usage
- The entire story is written as a run-on sentence
- The dialect used is very old time-y and borderline difficult to understand at some points
- 3rd person narration
- A more modern adaptation for the wording would make this story more entertaining and help it feel less like an assigned reading no one wants to do.
- Standard biblical transitions/wordings
- A first person perspective from the wife's point of view would be interesting to do
- "4 score and 6 years"?
- 87 years old
- Are Sarah and Sarai the same person?
- yes, apparently
- So many run on sentences...
- So. Many. Run. On. Sentences.
- Incest???
- Perhaps and alternate ending where Rebekah refuses to marry Isaac would be entertaining
- Repetitive wording
- More incest
- Polygamy
- A retelling from one of the sister's perspectives would be interesting
- Same old annoying bible writing style
- Even in Leah's own story the focus is on her sister
- Genesis seems to not understand how genetics work, or conception, or surrogacy
- I would definitely tell this from Leah's point of view. This poor girl has been getting no attention.
- Pimping out your husband for some plants. Classy.
- How has no one had daughters yet???
- Literally in the next paragraph I read...
- Maybe from the eldest son's POV... now THAT could be funny
- This is some Duggar level reproduction right here
 |
| Jacob's Flight, by Von Carolsfeld |
- So... Men can sleep with other women, but it's not cool for women to sleep with multiple men. Got it. -_-
- Potiphar's wife is a thirsty hoe...
- I'd definitely want to write this from the husband's point of view. Lots of emotions to explore.
- I'd start by giving the girl a name
- How has every other story in this series had at least 2 children, but this guy only has one daughter.
- A modern retelling from the daughter's perspective
- Taking the veil at a nunnery rather than being a human sacrifice would be nice
- Why would Samson not dump Delilah after attempt #3?
- Perhaps a telling from the point of view of the Philistines would be interesting
- I don't need Elkanah's whole lineage...
- How odd that Hannah chose to promise not to cut Samuel's hair
- What would have happened if she had made a different condition?
- Are Samuel and Samson the same person?
- If not, why do they BOTH not cut their hair?
No comments:
Post a Comment